Associations Are Built on “We” Moments

A member signs up for your webinar. They log in, sit quietly, and leave without saying a word. 

Another attends your annual conference – but only chats with the people at their table. 

Someone else downloads a resource from your library, reads it, and moves on with their day.

Technically, they’ve engaged. But have they felt more connected to your association? Have they walked away thinking, “This is my community”? Probably not.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: information doesn’t create belonging. Shared experiences do.

The Difference Between Information and Experience

It’s easy to mistake activity for connection. We send out newsletters, create online resources, share recordings of sessions – and yes, members use them. But a downloaded PDF doesn’t give someone goosebumps. A slick registration process doesn’t make them feel proud to be part of something.

Belonging happens when people feel something together.

Think about the last time you were in a room where the energy shifted. The keynote that had everyone laughing – or crying – at the same time. The breakout discussion that went off-script, and people swapped stories that made the whole room nod in recognition: Oh, it’s not just me struggling with this.Those aren’t just activities. They’re identity moments. And they transform passive participants into active community members.

Those moments are sticky. They’re not just about the knowledge exchanged – they’re about the identity reinforced.

And that’s the key. Shared experiences turn passive participants into active community members.

Why Shared Experiences Stick

This is the invisible glue. It’s what makes someone renew, volunteer, or advocate. Not just because they got value – but because they felt belonging.

There’s a reason these moments matter more than we sometimes give them credit for.

• Emotional resonance. First, they hit us emotionally. Facts fade fast – but when you feel something, you remember it. A conversation that makes you laugh, a challenge tackled as a group, a shared success or even a collective failure – those feelings stay attached to your association.
• Social proof. When you see your peers leaning in, sharing, investing their time, you feel safe doing the same. Nobody wants to be the first to speak up, but everyone loves joining a chorus.
• Mutual investment. Shared experiences require us to give something of ourselves – our ideas, our stories, our energy. And once you’ve given, you’re more likely to keep coming back. It’s no longer their association. It’s yours too.

The Lonely Value Trap

Here’s the trap many associations fall into: piling up benefits like trophies on a shelf – discounts, resources, services. All useful. All appreciated. But many of them are what I call lonely values.

Lonely value is consumed alone. You read the article, cash the discount, watch the webinar recording – and that’s the end of it. There’s no thread tying it back to the community.

The danger? Lonely value is easy to replicate. If another provider offers a better price or a sleeker service, members can switch without blinking.

But shared experiences? Those are non-transferable. You can’t outsource the feeling of being part of a standing ovation at your annual gala. You can’t copy the energy of tackling an industry challenge with 20 peers who “get it.” That’s the glue that keeps people connected – not just to the benefit, but to each other.

That’s what makes the difference between a service provider and a community.

Building More "We" Moments

So how do you bake more of this into your member experience?

It starts with asking a different question. Not just: What will they learn? But: What will they share? Who will they meet? How will this feel?

Some ways to do it:

• Design with connection in mind. Build intentional space for members to swap stories, compare notes, and see themselves in each other. A coffee break where people are encouraged to talk about a specific topic, instead of just queuing for caffeine. An online forum where a facilitator kicks off a weekly question that invites stories, not just opinions.
• Mix the formats. Blend the big, formal events with small, informal touchpoints – online forums, coffee catch-ups, mentoring pairs.
• Elevate member voices. Make members co-creators of the experience. Put them on panels. Invite them to host roundtables. Feature their stories in your channels. The more they are the experience, the stronger their connection becomes.
• Create rituals. The quirky award that becomes a tradition. The annual toast. The small, shared moments members look forward to – and talk about afterwards. Moments of shared humour. These give your community something that’s uniquely yours.

Every touchpoint is a choice: to build friction, or to build connection.

A Question To Consider

If your association disappeared tomorrow, what would members really miss? Would they miss the benefits – or would they miss the moments they shared with each other?

Benefits are replaceable. Shared experiences are not. They’re the heartbeat of your community.

So maybe the question isn’t, “What more can we give our members?”

Maybe it’s, “What can we help our members give each other?”